Ember Mae Fate

Jasmine



Haley



Riley



Grace



Kristin



Jeremy



Wesley



Richard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ember stared at her bologna and mustard sandwich. She took a bite, and mustard squirted out and a big blob of it stuck on her shirt.

She groaned, while Jasmine started laughing. Ember smirked and wiped it off with napkin, but that only made the stain bigger.

"Smooth," Came a voice from her left. She rolled her eyes and punched her friend Jeremy lightly in the arm. He just chuckled, looking down at her. He was so much taller than her.

"You should really stick with black, Ember," Came Jasmine's voice. "You only spill things on white."

Ember threw the napkin at her, and it bounced off her face and onto her lap.

"Hey, now, not nice," Wesley said, picking up the napkin from Jasmine's lap and kissed her on the nose. Ember pretended to gag on what was left of her sandwich, and Jasmine stuck her tongue out at her.

Jeremy just laughed, and Ember looked around her small group of friends.

Jasmine, the girl who had stuck with her trhough Girl Scouts, elementry, middle school, swimming lessons, and all the cliques in high school and never left her side, even now as Juniors. They told each other everything. In fact, she was the only one who knew about Ember's condition.

Wesey, Jasmine's boyfriend of three years. They had been introduced through Jeremy, and had just sort of hit it off. Ever since then they became inseperable.

And then Jeremy, the boy who had transfered here freshman year. no one would talk to him, so of course Ember and her group of loners had taken him in. He still didn't talk much, but they all got along well. Ember and Jerermy seemed to be pretty good friends as well, even though Jeremy said as few words as possible.

Ember looked at the large stain on her white tank top, and sighed. Jeremy slipped off his jacket and handed it to her. It had a band's logo on the front, a screamo band no doubt. That was all he listened to, and Ember was constantly teasing him for it.

"You're a lifesaver, Jeremy," Ember said, slipping on the jacket and zipping it up to hide the stain.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't spill on it," Jeremy said. Ember laughed and nodded. The jacket hung off her and was too big, but it would do.

"Here they come," Jasmine muttered. Ember looked up, and saw them. 'Them' would be the popular clique. They seemed to have a particular problem with Ember and her friends, who were the mismatched group, the loners, the outsiders.

The clique consisted of four girls. Haley, the queen bee, who had a particular dislike of Ember and all those who hung out with her. Kristin, the one who would agree with whatever Haley said like some kind of a mindless drone. Grace, who seemed to have more of a mind of her own than Kristin, but not by much. And Riley, a new girl they had sucked into their clique just this year. Right now it was only a few weeks into school, and already Riley was caught up with them. She was quieter, however, and didn't speak much, but did mostly whatever Haley told her to.

Jeremy sighed. He didn't really care what the clique did. Ember rolled her eyes, though she stiffened up. She would stand up for herself, unliked Jeremy, who just didn't seem to care. Wesley pulled Jasmine closer to himself, his arm around her shoulder.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Came Haley's voice. Ember just blinked.

"What, you didn't bring any for me?" Haley asked, looking at Ember's sandwich. Ember rolled her eyes, but when Haley reached out to take her food she stood up. The entire cafeteria was staring at them now. No one stood up to the popular clique, but Ember was sick of them.

"Give me my food," She said, proucning each word slowly and meancingly.

"Or what? You'll puke on me again?" Haley teased her, holding her sandwich above her head.

'The only reason she's taller than me is because of those stupid heels. I hope she breaks a foot,' Ember thought bitterly, looking at Haley's shoes. The incident she was referring to was something that happened ina play in the 4th grade. Haley had been aroudn even then, as had Grace and Kristin. Things had always been this way, so it seemed, with the exception of Riley.

It had been the big opening nig ht of the play, and Haley had the lead role (of course). Ember had a singing solo, but she had horrible stage fright. AS she stepped up to give her part, her stomach turned and she ended up throwing up right there, on Haley's expensive 140 dollar shoes that she claimed her mom had bought 'especially for the play'.

Ember looked somewhat embarrased at the mention of the event, but didn't let it faze her.

"Give it back," she repeated. Jasmine was watching her worriedly, as was Wesley. Jeremey's face was impassive, as usual.

"Or what? You'll---" But she was cut off by Jeremy standing up. He walked over to them. He was over 6 feet, and he towered over Haley, even with her heels.

"She said give it back," he said simply. Ember glanced over at him.

"Ah, so you got your boyfriend to help? Fine, here," Haley said, handing her her sandwich back, but not before wiping it on the brim of the trashcan. That did it.

Ember took the sandwich and grabbed Haley's arm, pulling her close to her. Then she pulled the top half of the sandwich off and smeared the mustard all over Haley's pink dress, then shoved the sandwich down the shirt half.

"There. Your dress looks much nicer, now, Haley," Ember sneered. Haley's mouth was open wide, and she let out a small scream.

"You'll regret this, you freak!!" She shouted, as the other girls tried to help her. Riley stared after her for a moment as Jasmine began to lead her out, followed closely by Wesley. Jeremy had stormed outside, no doubt to smoke again. Riley finally turned to Haley as her name was said and began to help. The entire cafeteria was still watching.

-----End of the day-----
The bell rang, and Ember sighed in relief.

"I still can't believe you did that," Jasmine commented, as they started to walk out of the room after everyone else.

"Did what?" Ember asked.

"Stuffing your sandwich down Haley's dress!" Jasmine exclaimed. "Everyone's talking about it." Ember rolled her eyes inwardly. Her friend had always been a big gossip, but she still loved her.

"I mean, I'm not saying that she didn't deserve it," Jasmine went on. "But she has connections here. She's not going to let this go so easily." Ember just rolled her eyes as she turned the dial to her locker.

"Good. I hope now she'll stay out of my way," She said.

22, 14, 13.

22, 14, 13.

22, 14, 13.

Ember slammed a fist into her locker, groaning in frustration. Why wasn't it opening??!?!

"Need some help?" A deep voice asked form behind her. She jumped, hitting her head on the locker of the person next to her, who muttered something about her. She didn't even notice she had hit her head, and it was bleeding.

It was Jeremy who spoke, who was smiling lightly now after seeing her hurt herself. She scowled at him, though she wasn't really angry. She sighed.

"Yes, please," She said, stepping to the side. Jeremy smirked and turned the dial effortlessly, opening her locker for her. She smiled and slipped her world history book in, taking out her algebra book before closing it and replacing the lock. She turned to Jeremy, but it was Jasmine's face who mets hers.

"Hey," She chirped. Ember jumped. She showed up out of nowhere sometimes, it seemed. "Me and Wesley are going to the ice cream shop. You wanna go?"

Ember just shook her head. "Nah, I gotta get started on my algebra homework. You know Mrs. Brink doesn't like late work."

They both shuddered at the thought of their teacher, then laughed.

"Alright, well, see you later, then!" Jasmine said, waving at her over her shoulder as she walked away. Ember waved back and started towards the door. She stepped out into the front yard of the school, which was packed with students. She found herself looking for Jeremy. he usually wasn't that hard to find in a crowd; he was the tall one with dark hair and wearing all black. Yet today she couldn't seem to find him.

She was about to give up and walk home when she saw him on the sidewalk, smoking a ciggerate. She wrinkled her nose in disgust and walked over to him, yanking the burning ciggerette out of his hand and stomping it out on the ground.

"Hey," Jeremy protested, but he didn't sound angry. Or happy. It was always hard to tell with him what he was feeling.

"Don't hey me," She said. "What did I tell you about these??" She demanded. He opened his mouth to answer, but she cut him off.

"They kill!" She answered herself. "Stop smoking them!!"

He was silent as she yelled.

"You done?" He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets, not sounding like he cared.

"Gah! You're so infuriating!!" She shouted. A few people who walked by stopped to look, and jeremy took her arm and dragged her off the sidewalk and started walking. Ember looked at him sourly as she was dragged alone the sidewalk. Once they were out of the view of others and on their way towards her house, she quieted down. They usually walked home together, since they were neighbors.

He released her arm and she fell into a slow walk beside him. She wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say, so she remained silent.

"I only yell because I care, you know," Ember mumbled. Jeremy just nodded.

"I know," He said. And then they fell silent again.

She looked up as their houses came into view. She walked a few feet ahead of him, and he saw the blood on her head.

"You're bleeding," he said. Ember reached up and touched her head, surprised at the amount of blood. Head wounds bleed a lot, she knew, but it didn't even hurt. Of course it didn't. He frowned and dragged her into his house before she could protest.

As she walked into his home, the smell of smoke rose to her nostrils. The news came from the TV in another room, a dull roar that she hardly heard as he dragged her to his room.

"Wait here," he ordered, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Ember sighed and plopped down on his bed, and looked around his room. It was dark and dreary, and she stood up and opened the blinds to let the light in. The room looked brighter already. She could see into her own room from here. Their rooms were right across from each other.

She turned back to face his room. You couldn't even see his walls; they were covered with poster of bands that she had never even heard of before. She realized now that this was the first time she had ever been in his room, though she'd seen it from her window often enough.

She looked at the ground, which was covered in food wrappers and dirty clothes. She wrinkled her nose, wondering how long that pizza box had been sitting there. Her room was messy, but this was just ridiculous.

He came back then, holding a wet rag.

"Sit," he said, pointing at his bed. She obeyed, and he pressed the wet washcloth to her head. She didn't flinch, didn't even react. She felt nothing.

After a few moments he pulled the cloth away. She was surprised at the amount of blood.

"It stopped," he said simply, and walked out, coming back a few moments later without the cloth. She had slipped off his jacket and handed it to him as he came in. She picked up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and took her algebra book off his bed, holding it close to her chest.

"Thanks," she said simply. He just nodded, and she ran down the stairs and outside and back to her house, unsure of what to think about what had just happened.

She walked up into her room, and sat down on her bed with a small sigh. She peeked out her window, only to see him with his headphones on, no doubt blasting music. She kept telling him that he was going to hurt his ears that way, but he wouldn't listen.

----Let's switch to 1st person for a while, shall we?-----
I flop down on my bed on my stomach. The smell of smoke still lingers around me like a cloud. Hopefully mom doesn't smell it.

I open my algebra notebook and try to focus on my homework, but my mind keeps wandering. It's a wonder I can keep up my B average.

I hear my mom talking loudly on the phone downstairs, ranting about the latest gossip. I must have fallen asleep. I look at the clock. It blinks 6:45.

"Crap," I mumble, and walk downstairs. My mom doesn't even look up from the chicken stir fry she's making on the stove, still ranting away on the phone. I'm unable to surpress a yawn that escapes my lips, and she finally looks up at me.

Meet mom: business woman extraordinaire. She's always worried about work, and goes on about her latest client to me at dinner while I nod and pretend to understand. When she's not worried about work, she's on the phone gossping like a 13 year old girl, as she is now. And when she wasn't doing that, she was hovering over me like a raincloud waiting to strike down lightning. She is constantly worried about me, and is always asking me if I checked this, that, or how school is going and about my grades. I love her though, so I put up with it all.

I come into the kitchen to help, but she shoes me away like some sort of little child who is a nuisance. She is convinced I'll get hurt. I ignore her, however, and take the milk out of the fridge. I'll avoid the stove for now, make her feel safe.

She chatters away on the phone while I pull out the plates, cups, and forks. I set the table silently and then sit down on one end of the table to play the waiting game.

After what seems like an eternity, but is probably only 5 minutes, she hangs up the phone and takes her place at the seat across from me at the table, setting the stirfry down in between us.

We silently sserve ourselves. The only sound is the noise of our milk being poured into our glasses and the forks scraping the plates.

After 5 minutes of eatin gin silence, she finally speaks.

"how was your day?"

"Fine," I answer. "you?"

"Fine."

That was the highlight of our conversation, as it is every night. We fill in the silence with talks about the weather or the news, neither of which we really care about.

This is the way it's been for as long as I can remember; just the 2 of us, and the ghost of the father we never talk about. It's as if he never even existed, and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I stand up a few minutes later, half my dinner still on my plate.

"Not hungry?" She asks me. I shake my head. "No, I'm full," I lied. My stomach started feeling strange for some reason. I can't tell if I'm sick or not. She just nods, and hands me her empty plate. I walk into the kitchen and start to load the dish washer.

"Careful with the knives," She calls after me. I stop with my grip on one of them. I'm not eight, I want to say, but I bite my tongue. Aruging with he does nothing. I had learned that long ago.

"I'm going to my room," I say, and ran up the stairs to my room before she could protest. I shut the door behind me and lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My stomach turns again, I think, and I sit up and run into the bathroom.

Kneeling down on the ground, I upchuck the contents of my dinner into the toliet. I rest my forehead against the rim of the bathtub. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think there was a bug going around school, but my mind won't think straight long enough for me to process this thought. My stomach feels strange again, and I throw up until my stomach feel empty. I flush the toliet with one hand. It's a strain just to lift it.
-----The next morning-------
"Rise and shine, Emmy!!!" My mom shouts. I groan and roll over in bed. "Don't call me that," I mumble into my pillow. She throws the blanket off me and I sit up. She is watching me, so I start the daily routine. All of my fingers are still intact, my toes will wiggle so they're not broken. I stick the thermometer uder my tongue. 99.7. Not normal, but I think I have a fever from last night. Mom sees this, however, and immediatly explodes like I'm on my deathbed.

"I told you to be careful!! You could die if this keeps up! you----"

I zone out, ignoring her. when she finally stalls for a moment, I ask "You done?"

She looks at me. Her eyes say 'Don't start with me young lady. I'm still in charge here.'

I sigh and look at her. "I was sick last night. I threw up a lot. I think that's why I have a fever, alright?"

Her face fell slightly and she sat down next to me on the bed. "You can't go to school. If it gets worse, ou won't know. I'll call---"

"No," I interupt her. I know what she's going to say. 'I'll call Mrs. Clover to come babysit you again and make sure you take all your medicine and that your fever doesn't go up any more to watch you like a good little girl.' "I'm going to school." I try to stand, but she pulls me back down, perhaps too roughly. I can't tell.

"No, you're not," She says. She's using the 'you're a little kid' tone of voice again, and I know there's no use aruging. I lay back down, and allow her to tuck me into the blankets and kiss my forehead like a good mommy would, and then she goes downstairs. I hear her calling Mrs. Clover, telling her that I'm 'running a fever and need to be watched.' I scoff, and roll over onto my side. I stand up and open my window

Jeremy looks back at me. He waves, and I wave back. Then my mom walks back in.

"Get back in bed!" She shouts. I sigh, and Jeremy casts me a sympathetic glance. I grimace back as my mom closes my window and shoves me back into bed.
------End of the Day--------
I pull the mug of hot choclate closer to me, enjoying the aroma it gives off. Mrs. Clover is watching me carefully, as if to make sure I don't burn myself or something. I roll my eyes and turn slightly so she can't see me as well.

It's 5:45, and we're both itching for my mom to get home. I don't like her here anymore than she likes being here, and that's just fine by me. She could have left hours ago, but she wouldn't get paid that way.

The door opens, and she jumps up so fast I'm surprised she doesn't trip over her freakishly high heels. For a moment my mind goes back to Haley and what I did that day, and I chuckle softly into my drink. Mrs. Clover ignores me and runs to answer the door. Sure enough, mommy dearest is standing there.

I listen as Mrs. Clover tells her that my fever has gone down, and I'm at a perfect 98.6 degrees. She talks as though it was her doing. I resist the urge to roll my eyes and gulp down the rest of my hot chocolate.

Soon the door closes again, and my mom sits down across from me.

"You feeling better?" She asks.

"Yep," I say.

"You sure?" She asks.

"Sure," I say.

She just nods, and goes to make some phone calls for work. I walk into the kitchen to make dinner, ignoring her calls of protest.

I take out some frozen chicken nuggets and turn on the oven. As I arrange them on a pan, my eyes pass over the large scar on my right arm. I still remember when it happened.

"Mommy, mommy, look, I'll take out the cookies!!" I shout.

"Emmy, no----" My mom starts, but I was already reaching into the stove. My arm hit the bottom metal pan, and I didn't pull away. Didn't feel a thing. She pulled me out of the way and rushed me to the hospital. Third degree burns, they said. I was banned from the oven until I turned 16.

The beeping of the oven timer pulls me out of my daze, and I put on the oven mits (I can hear her yelling at me again to be careful) and put the pan in the oven very carefully. Then I shut the oven, turn on the timer, and retreat into the living room with a book, where I can still hear her arguing loudly with someone on the phone in her room down the hall.

I start to think about school as I read. I should probably call Jasmine back. She called 5 times today while I was in bed, and Mrs. Clover wouldn't let me answer it. I turn the page in my book, though my mind is somewhere else. The oven beeps, and I stand up and walk into the kitchen.

I put on the oven mits and take out the chicken nuggets, setting them on the counter. Then I turn off the oven, and go to my mom's room.

She's walking around in small circles, still arguing loudly. I try to get her attention, but she ignores me. I go back into the kitchen and put 5 nuggets on a plate, leaving 7 for her. Then I take my book and go upstairs to my room, grabbing the phone on the way.

Once safely in my room and on my computer chair, I set the chicken nuggets in front of me and dial Jasmine's number. She answers on the first ring. I wonder if she's been waiting by the phone.

"Hello?? Ember??" She asks.

"Yeah, hey, Jas," I say. She sighs in relief.

"Where were you today?? I tried calling you, but no one picked up. And---"

"Jasmine," I cut her off. She's silent. "Breath."

She giggles into the phone, and I find myself smiling in spite of myself.

"I was sick, that's all." I turn on the computer while she goes on about events of the day, the latest gossip, and all that jazz. I mumble the occasional 'uh huh, yeah,' so she thinks I'm listening.

One of the things she says catches my ear, however, as I go to check my email.

"Jeremy wasn't there today?" I ask.

"No, why?" Jasmine asks. I frown, my finger stopping over the mouse button. I saw him at his house this morning; why wouldn't he be at school?

"No reason," I say, and she continues.

After 20 minutes, I hang up and finish my last now cold chicken nugget; at least, I assume it's cold. I really cant' tell. I look at the clock. It's 7:50. I know I should get started on my homework, but I'm so tired all of a sudden.

I crawl into bed and let the darkness take over me.
---Next morning----
The next mroning, I wake up to my alarm clock blaring in my ear. I groan and press the snooze button. It keeps beeping. I press it again. It keep going. I sit up and throw it at the window, which was open. Whoops.

It crashes to the ground, and my mom comes running in.

"What was that noise??" She demands. I laugh nervously.

"My alarm clock."

She sighs, and forces me to do my daily examination while she watches intently. Everything is checked off as okay, and I kick her out so I can get ready for school.

After a quick shower, I dig through my hamper and closet for clothes. I find my mustard-stained white tank top, and make a mental note to stick it in the washer later.

I finally change into a pair of blue jeans with holes in both knees (not for fashion, thank you very much. I'm just very, very clumsy) and a plain gray T-shirt. It's startingn to get cold out. Today is November 1, I realize. Not much longer until Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.

Christmas.

My grip on the jacket in my hands tightens slightly, but I quickly relax my hands and slip the black hoodie over my head. I comb my hair quickly and put it up in a ponytail before grabbing my back and heading down the stairs. I sit down at the kitchen table and make myself a bowl of cereal and tie my shoes after I eat. Then I'm out the door before my mom has time to lecture me.

The walk to school seems longer than usual. Maybe because Jeremy usual walks with me, and he's not here today. I wonder where he is.
----
Lunchtime rolls around with no major disasters so far today. So far, so good.

Jasmine is going on about some gossip again, and I cast Wesley an apologetic glance. He laughs, and Jasmine looks at him.

"What's so funny?" She demands.

"Nothing, babe," he says, and kisses her. I pretend to gag and choke on my bologna and mustard sandwhich, which I bring almost every day, but they ignore me and continue to kiss. I roll my eyes and go to take another bite of my sandwhich when my watch beeps. Time to use the bathroom.

Yeah, you heard right.

My stupid condition makes me unable to feel pain, tell when I'm too hot or cold, and it also makes me unable to tell when it's time to....uhm....take care of business.

I remember once in fourth grade, my watch didn't go off, and I ended up peeing right there in front of everyone. Haley never let me forget that one, either.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I say, but they don't even look at me. Sheesh, you'd think they'd at least come up for air!

I walk to the bathroom, brushing the crumbs from my sandwich off my shirt as I go. I lock myself in the stall just as I hear the door open again, and the click clacking of heels walking on the tile. I hear Haley's voice and my name, and immediatly pull my feet up so that they won't know I'm there.

Haley: "That freak Ember. I'm going to get her back for that. That was a 140 dollar dress!"

I have to resist the urge to laugh. Who wears a 140 dollar dress to school, much less at all?

Grace: "I know! She's so stupid."

I don't resist the urge to roll my eyes.

Haley: "And what's up with her freaky friends?"

Grace: "Yeah, especially that one, Jerome."

'His name is Jeremy. Je-re-mey. If you're going to insult him, at least use the right name, nitwit,' I want to say, but I don't want them to know that I'm there, so I bite my tongue.

Luckily, Haley corrects her for me.

Haley: "Jeremy. And I know what you mean. Oh, did you see what Ember was wearing today??"

Pause for laughter.

Haley: "I heard Jermey wasn't here today or yesterday because his dad beats him up or something."

I freeze, my hand already halfway to open the stall door. I quickly pull back.

Grace: "He's apparently in the hospital or something."

Pause for more laughter. I feel like ripping off their expensive heels and beating them to death with them.

They talk for a few more minutes about boys and make a few more snide comments about me and my friends before leaving. I sit there for I don't know how long, wondering what just happened.
---End of the Day---
I finally manage to get my locker open on my own (Score 1 for Ember!) and take out my algebra and chemistry textbooks. As I shut my locker I hear my name, and turn to see Jasmine, Wesly glued to her side like usual.

"Hey, guys," I say. Jasmine was frowning. No doubt she had heard the gossip about Jeremy as much as I had. I could see that Wesly had, too.

"I can't go to the hospital because of cheerleading practice," Jasmine says.

"And I have soccer practice," Wesley says.

"I'll go," I say, and when I realized I had said it it was too late to take it back.

Jasmine nods.

"Call me," she says, and walks away, Wesley still by her side. I think that's the fewest words I've ever heard her speak. She must be really worried.

Do I really want to go to the hospital? Of course not. But I told her I would, so I was kind of stuck.

I sigh and open the doors that lead outsdie, taking a deep breath of the cold air, though despair still hangs around me like a raincloud.
---
I go home first to drop off my things. I go up the stairs and set my backpack and books down on my bed. I head to my window almost mindlessly, and open the blinds. I blink in surprise at the sight that greets my eyes.

Jeremy, sitting on his bed. I frown and sit back down on my bed. So the rumors weren't true; he wasn't in the hospital.

But what parts of it were true?
----Next Week----
I stare at the back of the head in front of me. I'm not sure who it belongs to, but whoever it is should really think about taking a shower sometime soon.

I'm in Chemistry, and not paying any attention to Mr. Brady, as usual. No one does, though we all pretend to.

I'm sitting in the middle row, and trying not to fall asleep. It's getting harder and harder as he drones ona nd on about the properties of carbon dioxide. Maybe if I just lay my head down for a few minutes, he won't notice....

A loud slap on the desk wakes me up.

"Care to join us, Miss Fate?" Mr. Brady asks.

"Not really," I mumble. He ignores me and goes back to teaching.
----
Ah, lunch. I sit at my normal table, though the seat to my left is empty. It feels strange. I still don't know what's going on with him. I haven't found time to go see him, and---

Okay, that was a lie. I've had time, but I'm too scared . I'm a coward. And Jasmine keeps bugging me to talk to him, and I keep making up excuses.

I look around the lunchroom, the roar of many different conversations reaching my ears.

"Did you hear what she did---"

"He was totally wasted---"

"I can't believe it!!"

"I didn't study----"

"That was due today??"

Normal high school talk. I soon grow bored, and look back at my friends. They're snuggling again, and I roll my eyes and take another bite of my normal sandiwch, bologna and mustard.

"Incoming," Jasmine mumbles, and I look up to see Haley and her group coming towards me, only this time Richard is tagging along with them.

I quickly chew and swallow. Ugh. Richard.

He's Haley's boyfriend of three years, and is sometimes worse than her. Last year he wouldn't leave me alone, and even tried to kiss me once. I couldn't tell what his aim was, and I still don't know, but I kicked him---hard, I might add---where no man ever wants to be kicked. He's left me alone since then.

"Hello, freak," Haley sneers as she looks at me.

"Hello," I say simply, taking another bite of my sandwich and trying not to look at Richard, whose eyes I can feel on me.

"You're short one freak. Where is he?" Haley asks. I tense up.

"I don't know," I say through gritted teeth. She must see how tense I am, for she continues.

"I heard his dad beats him up. Beats him good. I think he deserrves it, personally. He's different--too different," She says. My hands clench into tight fists under the table.

"Shut up, Haley," Jasmine mumbles, but Haley ignores her and continues.

"I hope his dad keeps doing what he is," She says. "Maybe one day he'll kill him."

"That's enough, Haley," Wesley said, and stood up, but one glance from Richard and he sits again. By now even Kristin, who always agrees with her, looks uncomfortable.

"He deserves whatever he gets. He's such a freak. He---"

I stood up and punched her without even realizing I had done it. One good hit and I heard her nose crack. She stumbles back, holding her broken nose in a state of shock and confusion. Richard is on me a few moments later as I go at her for another hit, and I fight him off. He punches me once, and I don't even feel it. I keep swinging, and don't stop until the security guards pull us apart.
-----
After serving detention, I am picked up by my mom. Jasmine gives me a sympathetic look as I crawl into the car. SHe mouths 'call me', and I just nod.

"What were you thinking?!?!" My mom explodes as soon as I close the car door. She's turned in her seat and looking at me, and I just shrug.

"She had it coming. I just finally gave her what she deserves," I said simply. I don't mention anything about Jeremy; I don't need her doing anything rash or mom-like on me.

"You could have been hurt!! Seriously hurt!!!" She shouts at me. I shrug, fingering the bandages on my knuckles and my split lip from where Richard punched me.

"It's just a few scratches, mom. I'm fine," I protest.

"This time you are, but what about next time?!?" She shouts. She finally starts to drive, and I enjoyt he silence while I can.
----
I'm grounded. For how long, she didn't say. But she took away the phone (not that I call anyone but Jasmine anyways), the TV, the computer, even my radio. The only thing I have left are my books, and it took all of my power to convince her to let me keep even those.
----The Next Morning (Saturday)---
My mom has to work today. I had to convince her not to get Mrs. Clover over here. I just want to be alone.

I sit on my bed, let out a small sigh, and look around my room. It's cluttered with bookshelf upon bookshelf, my television (which is now unplugged), my radio (which is packed into a box right now), and stacks and sacks of CDs.

I stand up and walk to my window. I've been so worried about Jeremy. I don't understand what's going on with him. As I pull back the blinds, I see him looking back at me. I jump and fall back, earning a small laugh from him. I stand up and push my window open, glaring at him.

"Where have you been?" I hissed. He shrugs. "Busy," was all he would say.

"Wait there. I'm coming over," I say, and am downstairs and out the door before he could protest.

I reach up a hand to knock, but he opens the door and pulls me in before I can.

"Hey, what's the big ide---" I start, but he puts a hand over my mouth and drags me to his room. I kick and try to get out of his grasp, but he won't let me go. Once we're in his room, he lets me go and shuts the door.

"What the heck is going on here?!" I yell at him, and he puts a finger to his lips.

"Quiet. You'll wake my dad," He says. I immediatly shut my mouth, remembering what I heard at school.

"Sorry," I mumble. "But you could have at least told me instead of dragging me up here."

He smiles at me, and I smile weakly back. "Sorry about that," he says.

"It's alright," I mumble.

"So what did you need?" He asks. I clasp my hands together behind my back nervously, fingering the bandages on my knuckles and running my tongue over my split lip. What did I need?

He frowns and takes my hands, looking at my knuckles.

"Who'd you beat up?" he asks, finally looking up at me and seeing my split lip.

"Haley," I say simply. Then we laugh together.

After we catch up, I finally ask him where he's been. He visibly stiffens up, and I wonder if I just made a mistake.

"My mom was in the hospital. She----died," He mumbled. My eyes widen, and I don't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't know," I say quietly. All I can think is 'the rumors aren't true. His dad doesn't hurt him. He's okay, at least physically.'

"It's alright."

"Are you going to school on Monday?" I finally ask. He shrugs.

"You can see Haley's broken nnnooosseeeeee," I say, smiling. It works; he laughs. "Alright, I'll come," He says. I smile.

"Good," I said. I stand up and stretch. "Well, I'd better get home before my mom sees I'm gone," I say.

"Grounded?" He asks. I nod, and he gives me a sympathetic smile. I smile back, and then leave just as quietly as I came.
~~~~~~
Once back in my room, I look out my window to see if he's there, but he's not.
-----Monday-----
Lunch. Glorious, glorious lunch. I don't have any classes with Jasmine, Wesley, or Jeremy in 1st through 4th hour, so lunch is the first time in the day I get to see them besides the occasional 'hello' in the hallways.

I walk to our normal table, and everyone is already there. Jasmine is chatting up a storm, like usual, most of it directed at Jeremy. Luckily, she doesn't ask about the rumors. I told that they weren't true and about what really happened the night before on the phone, which I managed to find even though I'm grounded. She has the sense not to mention that, either, which is good.

"Hey, all," I say, sitting down next to Jeremy, opposite Jasmine.

"Hey, Ember!" Jasmine says. "Yo," Wesley waves. Jeremy just nods.

It's so nice to be back in my element.

I had just begun to eat when Jasmine points over my shoulder, stifling a laugh. I turn, and see Haley and her crew. But Haley has a nose brace on. Jeremy, who is usually so quiet and controlled, bursts out laughing and gives me a high five. Haley scoffs and walks away. Then we all laugh, and I get high fives from all of them.
----5th hour Chemistry---
Jeremy is my lab partner in chemistry, and today we have to do an experiment with chemicals and everything. Chemicals, in chemistry. Who would have guessed?

I'm majorly accident prone, so this is probably not the best idea. At the table next to ours, Haley and Richard are reading their textbook under the table, cheating. We're supposed to be doing this from memory, which probably isn't terribly safe either.

"I'll go get the supplies," I tell Jeremy, and he nods, obviously distracted. He's reading something under the table as well. I sigh and roll my eyes before heading to the back of the room, getting in the line with the others.

I come back to our table with the beakers filled with chemicals. It's amazing I didn't spill. Haley sticks out a foot to trip me, but I dodge it.

"Nice nose. It looks nicer that way," I say simply, setting the tray with the beakers on it down. She glares at me, and I smirk.

"Come on, let's go wash our hands and then get this over with," I say, tugging on Jeremy's shirt. He puts the chemistry book away and nods, and we walk to the front of the room.

"Cheating will get you no where," I tease him. He ignores me. Once we finish washing our hands and drying them on paper towels, we go back to the table. Richard is smiling strangely, and Haley looks like she's trying not to laugh. I don't think much of it and sit down.

"I'll read it off, and you do it, alright?" Jeremy asks. I nod.

"A few drops of that one," He points to a beaker, and I laugh and roll my eyes.

"You could say the name of it, at least," I say. He shrugs, and I roll my eyes again and comply.

Soon, we have mixed many together.

"Just a bit of that," He says, pointing. I obey, and the mixture turns a light blue. We did it!
-----
The bell rings, and I get up to leave. Yet as I stand, the chair sticks to me. I frown, and pull myself up, just as I hear a loud 'rip'. Then I hear it. The laughter.

"Um...Ember," Jeremy says. I look at the seat, and see a large chunk of my jeans stuck to it. Haley is laughing the hardest. I should have known.

"Let's go," Jeremy mumbles, and leads me out of the room, walking behind me to shield me from their eyes and laughs.
----
"You have to come out, Ember," He callls through the door.

"I don't want to!" I say. I have his jacket tied around my waist to cover the large hole in my jeans, but I still don't want to come out.

"Ember," He says, and I sigh, and walk out. I offer him a small smile, and he grabs my hand, something that surprises even m e.

"Let's get to gym," He says. I nod, and he leads me off.
~~~~
Welcome to my nightmare. AKA, 6th period PE.

Today, we're playing volleyball. As if our tiny shorts we have to wear weren't bad enough, now we have to lean over to serve and the guys all stare at our butts. Of course, most of the girls enjoy this. Today, however, the boys go walking, and we get the whole gym to play ourselves.

"Hit it, Ember!!" Haley yells at me. I am pulled out of my thoughts as the ball bounces off of my head. Of course it didn't hurt, but she was probably hoping it would. Ha.

"Watch it, Haley!" I yell instead.

"Sorry," She says mockingly. I'm tempted to show her what I think of her, but a look from the coach stops me. I'm sitting on the bleachers. I'm not allowed to play at all, because my condition makes me unable to sweat. Most of the girls complain, but I always come up with an excuse. As if I'd tell them the real reason. The only person who knows is Jasmine, and I plan to keep it that way. Even though Jeremy bugs me about it a lot, saying I'm faking so that I won't have to participate, though he's only teasing me.
----The next day in chemistry----
We're doing another experiment today. I really don't want to, but also don't have much of a chocie. As we come back to our seats from washing our hands, I notice that Haley and Richard are laughing again. I check my seat before I sit down. It's not sticky, so I sit.

As I add the chemicals Jeremy tells me to, something goes wrong. It bubbles over, and spills on my right hand. We have a substitute today, and they're not in the room.

"Um, that's not good. What's wrong?? Did you put something wrong in??" Jeremy asks me. I shake my head. "Only what you tell me to."

I put my hands under the table so he won't see I spilled on them. I don't need him worrying; I'm sure it was harmless.

He gets up to clean it up, and I raise my hand to look at it. A scream from behind me pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Ember, your hand!!" A girl yells. I look at it; it's bright red, and the skin looks like it's literally burning with an invisible fire. As I watch, the skin starts to peel, and I realize that it's probably not a good sign.

Jeremy runs to get the nurse, and Haley and Richard look very nervous. I should have known it. They messed with our chemicals.

The nurse comes in, sees my hand, and calls 911.
-----
I'm taken to the hospital, where I'm treated for chemical burns. I ended up with third degree burns. Jeremy only went back to school when they threatened to get him expelled.

My hand is treated and wrapped in thick bandages. The skin was down so far you could almost see the bone. I won't be taking off the bandages for a while.

My mom wants to take me out of chemistry, and stick me in a plastic bubble or something apparently.
------
That night, I am sitting on my bed with a book. I'm still grounded, and the incident at school just extended it. She said I should have gone to the nurse right away, because I 'should have known something like this could have happened.' Then I got to listen to a 20 minute lecture on how I could die.

I can move my fingers just fine, though I'm not really supposed to be using my hand at all. It's a good thing I'm left handed.

I walk over to the window, flexing my fingers, and open it. Jeremy is sitting on his bed. I tap my window to get his attention, since his it open. It works; he looks over at me, and takes his headphones off.

"Hey, you alright?" He asks. I nod.

"Fine," I say. He's giving me a strange look.

"How could you not tell me that it hurt that bad??" He asks. Crap.

"I don't know," I mumbled, shrugging and looking away.

Jeremy frowns, and closes his window without another word.
-----Back to third person for a while~~!------
Ember woke up the next morning, on the floor. She sat up slowly. That was strange. Somehow she had rolled off the bed and landed on the ground. She laughed slightly at herself, then stood up and did the usual check, then got into the shower. She had to keep her right hand out the whole time. It was an interesting sight, seeing her try and open the shampoo bottle with one hand.

Then she quickly got dressed, wearing a pair of old jeans and a black tank top. She put on her grey sweatshirt over it, leaving it unzipped. Then she ran downstairs, and was out the door without even eating breakfast. She wasn't hungry.
------
By the time lunch came around, everyone had asked her what had happened to her hand. Part of her wanted to tell them that Haley and Richard had messed with their chemicals, but the other part wanted to hold it over their head and always threaten to tell them so they'd leave her alone. She went with the second choice.

"Oh my god, Ember, you're alright, right????" Jasmine attacked her at lunch with questions. She was still grounded, and the lack of talking on the phone appeared to be kiling Jasmine.

"I'm fine," Ember assured her. She and her friend talked all lunch, while the two boys sat in silence.

Haley left them alone today, which was a good thing in itself.
---------
"Open...." Ember mumbled. "Open!!"

She groaned, hitting her head against the locker. "Stupid piece of crap!" She shouted at it. The lockers had pretty much emptied by now, yet she was still there, trying to open the stupid thing.

A hand pushed her gently aside, and turned the dial with ease.

"How do you have my combination memorized?" Ember asked Jeremy.

"You've had me open it at least 12 times by now," He said simply. She smirked.

"Yeah, sorry about that," She said. He shrugged, and stepped out of the way as she began to take the books she needed out and put a few away. She felt him watching her hand, and looked at him.

"Doesn't it hurt?" He asked. She shrugged.

"Not really," She said. He frowned, then nodded. She could tell already that he wasn't going to drop this. She didn't like people to know about her condition. They'd pity her then, and she hated pity. Hated it. And yet, he was pitying her now. She could feel it.

"I'm fine," Ember said, turning to him after closing her locker. "Really." He nodded, and they started to walk home together.

As they started down the sidewalk, Jeremy pulled out a ciggerate.

Ember pulled it out of his hands as soon as he lit it, and put it out on the ground with her heel.

"No," She said simply, and started walking again. He was silent.
------
Ember stared at her ceiling that night, bored out of her mind. She didn't know what to do. She was grounded for another week, and until then she was stuck doing this. Absolutely nothing.

Her mom was running late from work, and she heard a knock on the door. She walked downstairs, assuming to see her mom. Instead, it was Jeremy.

He held up his keys.

"Come on, we're going out," He said, and pulled her out to his car before she could protest.
~~~Back to 1st person!!!~~~~
His car smells like ciggerates and old fast food.

I'm flipping through the radio stations, and finally gave up on finding anything decent to listen to.

"Where are we going?" I ask. He holds up two tickets.

"A concert?" I ask. He nods. I pull the tickets out of his hands. It's one of his heavy metal bands.

"You'll like them, just trust me," He says, seeing the look on my face.

"Fine, fine. I guess I owe you for getting me out of there," I say simply. He smile, and I smile back.
--------
The concert was loud, and my ears are still ringing as we walk back to his truck.

"How can you stand that??" I have to yell to even be able to hear myself. It sounds like I'm haering everything through a thick blanket or something. He laughs at me and unlocks the doors. I had never seen him so in his element as he had been in there. Every time a guy would come up to me, he would chase him off, like an older brother or something. I protested, but secretly, I liked it.

"I'm going to be grounded even longer," I say.

"So lie," He says. I laugh. "Yeah, right. I suck at lying," I say. He looks at me once we park in front of my house. That was fast.

"Tell me a lie," He says. "And two truths. And I'll see if I can tell which one is the lie."

I blink in surprise, then slowly nod.

"Alright..." I say slowly. I'm not sure what he's after here; it seems like he's trying to get me to say something. For a game, he's acting pretty serious about it.

I keep a straight face as I speak, trying my best not to show which one is a lie. What I say just slips out wihtout warning.

"You have very pretty eyes, you're a sweet guy, and...uhm....I love my life."

He looks at me, saying nothing for what seems like ages. Finally he says "You're not funny. They were all ies, weren't they?"

I frown, and get out, slamming the car door behind me. I can feel him watching me as I walk to the front door to accept my fate.
--------2 weeks later--------
My extended grounding is finally over, and Christmas break starts tomorrow. And it's snowing, and my hand is finally healed and I finally got to take the bandages off.

A pretty good day for me, except for the fact that I can hardly keep my balance as it is, and now I have to walk over ice to get to school.

I talked to Jasmine all night last night, and she told me that Haley has been acting strange lately. I asked her what else is new, but she was being serious. I didn't quite understand what she meant, but I didn't really care.

It's 30 degrees out, the news said. I'm not cold, though. I never am. I can't be. I press the crosswalk button repeatedly, banging on it with my fist. Suddenly another hand covers mine, and slowly removes it from the button.

"Easy, there," Jeremy says. I smile at him. Things had been weird at first after what happened in the car that day, but both of us were pretending it never happened now. The light changes, and we both cross the street quickly. I almost slip on the ice, but Jeremy catches me just in time.

"Thanks," I mumble. He just nods, and we each go our seperate ways at the door.
-------
Lunch is the same as always. Jeremy had been quiet, quieter than usual these past weeks, probably because of his mom's death. He was getting back to normal, though, I saw. He was healing, and I was glad.

Jasmine was going off about something, and Wesley shuts her up with a kiss. I sigh, and look away as they start kissing in the middle of the cafeteria. Haley walks over then. Her nose is out of its brace. What a shame. It looked better when I couldn't see it.

"Hello, freaks," She snears.

"Hello yourself," I mumble. She ignores me and instead looks at Jeremy.

"I hear your dad got arrested. Where have you been staying? With your girlfriend here?" She looks at me. I blink in surprise, and look at Jeremy. Even Jasmine and Wesley have stopped kissing long enough to watch this.

"It's none of your business," Jeremy says simply, and stands up and walks outside. I see him take out a ciggerette before he leaves. I glare at Haley, but she has already walked away. The damage is done, and I don't know if I can fix it.
-----
"Is what Haley said true?" I ask, as we're walking home that day. He shakes his head, but says nothing more. I want to ask more, make him tell me, make him let me in. I just want to help him, but I know that that will just push him away more, so I bite my tongue.

"We should hang out over Christmas break. I have a present for you," I say. A lie, but I would get him one. He smiles slightly and nods at me.

"Sure," He says. I walk into my house as it comes into view, a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
-------
My mom is running late again, so I take it upon myself to make dinner, even though she's made it clear that I'm not to use the stove. Ever.

Whatever.

I stick some frozen fish sticks in, and then sit down on the couch and watch some old soap opera until mom comes home.

"I thought I told you not to use the oven!" She says. I shrug, and she sighs and goes into her room to make some business calls. The oven beeps, and I take the fish sticks out and put some on a plate for me, some for her, then sit. She sits down and looks at me. She has that look that she always gets when she wants to talk about something 'serious', like my future or if she wants to lecture me or something. I sigh, and look at her.

"Ember," She begins. "You know your friend Jeremy?"

I freeze, my fishtstick half chewed in my mouth. I nod, then quickly swallow.

"His father was arrested this morning. The police are there now, next door. He has no other family to go to. He's going to be put in foster care for a few months until his father's trial."

I stare at the table intently. He lied to me, is all I can think. Lied. Liar. But why?

"Foster care?" I finally ask. "What does that mean? Will he still be able to go to school?"

"I'm afraid not," She says. "You can still visit him, of course. At the---" She pauses, then continues. "Orphanage."

No. Jeremy doesn't deserve this. He doesn't. He never did a thing wrong.

"Mom?" I ask, looking at her. She has that look in her eyes. That look that I hate. Pity.

"Yes?" She asks.

"What was his father arrested for?"

I'm not sure if I want to know the answer.

She sighs, the answers me.

"He beat him, apparently. Pretty badly, too. They found bruises up and down his back, and some on his upper arms, and his legs----" She stops, seeing me. I'm shaking, and I know I am. But I just can't stop.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I mumble, and push myself back from my chair and run upstairs.
--------
Jasmine calls me. I'm staring at the ground.

I answer the phone.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Ember, thank God. Did you see the news??? Jeremy---"

"I know," I cut her off. "I know."

Jasmine sounds close to tears as she goes on and on about how wrong it is, and how his dad should be in jail for life. I can find no words to say.
-------
The next day, I go next door to say goodbye to Jeremy before he goes to the orphanage. That word sounds so wrong, when I'm talking about him.

The door is open, so I walk in. He's upstairs in his room, packing.

"Knock knock," I say, and he looks up. He sees it's me, and goes back to packing.

"Come on," I say, and drag him outside before he can say anything.

"This is to remember me by," I say, and lean don and make a snowball. I throw it at him, and he does nothing. Doesn't laugh, doesn't smile, doesn't move.

"Come on, Jeremy---" I start, but he ignores me.

"I have to finish packing," He says gruffly, and turns and goes back inside. I glare at the back of his head, and throw another snowball at it. It hits him, and he stops, but then keeps going. He walks inside, and I run back to my home, tears blurring my vision.

That was the last time I saw him until February.
--------February--------
"They're letting him off?!?!?!" I yell, jumping up from the table. My mom flinche, then nods.

"This is so wrong!!!!!!!! He---he beat him, and they're going to let him walk free?!?! Go back home to him?!?!"

She sighs.

"Ember, it's complicated. The law gives him----"

"I don't care what the law gives him!!!" I shout. "This is wrong!!"

"Stop yelling at me, Ember. It's not up to me, and you know that!" She shouts, standing up. I ignore her, and storm upstairs, slamming the door behind me.

Part of me was excited. Jeremy was coming back.

The other part was disgusted with the first part. He was safe at the orphanage; if he came back, he would be in danger again. Danger of that monster who called himself his father.

School has been like heck. Everywhere I go, I hear things like--

"Did you hear about Jeremy??"

"His dad hit him."

"He's in jail! Probably until---"

"I don't know. He was always a little weird. We should've known something like this would happen."

"He hung out with those freaks, especially that one. Ember."

And more. It's like I can't escape him even when he's gone. And Haley has been constantly picking on me, mostly about him, with the help of her little group and Richard. Especially Richard. He's been staring at me more now that Jeremy is gone. And quite frankly, it's starting to creep me out.

I pick up a mug from my beside table, and hurl it at the wall. It shatters, and my mom comes running up to see what happened. She sees the shattered mug, and cleans it up while I lock myself in the bathroom.
--------
The next day is Monday. Jeremy is back at school, but he's avoiding me and everyone else. He won't even look at me. And at lunch, I can't find him. Jasmine is worried about me; apparently, I haven't been 'acting like myself'. Well duh, why would I be?? And now Jeremy is back, and he won't even look at me. What am I supposed to be acting like??
--------
I start to walk home slowly, and I see Jeremy ahead of me. My heart skips a beat, and I run to catch up to him.

"Jeremy!!" I call, and he ignores me. I run and block his path, spreading my arms out to stop him.

"Stop!" I shout. "Jeremy, talk to me," I plead. He looks at me, his face impassive. "Jeremy!!" I shout. "Jeremy, please!!"

He walks right past me as if I don't exist.

I want to crawl into a hole and die.
-------
That night, I look out my window when I hear yelling. I see two figures in Jeremy's room. I recognize one as him, and I know the other is his father from the pictures on the news.

I stifle a gasp as his father reaches out, and hits him hard across the cheek. Apparently I didn't do it fast enough, for Jeremy must have heard me and looks over at me before closing the window and the blinds.

I sit down on the bed and wish I could cry for once. BUt my condition refuses to allow that to happen.
--------
A week later, and Jermey still refuses to talk to me.

Well, I would just have to talk to him then, now wouldn't I?

My plan is flawless; just walk up to his door, knock, then demand to speak to him.

Okay, so I didn't think it through much. But I wouldn't take no for an answer. Not this time.

I'm standing in front of his door now. It's dark out; my mom is asleep. It's past midnight, but I don't really care. I knock, and Jeremy answers, still in his jeans and shirt from school. He sees it's me, and tries to close the door, but I block it with my foot.

"Jeremy, talk to me."

He blinks and looks at me, but says nothing.

"I'm not leaving until you do."

He still says nothing.

"Jeremy."

Nothing.

"Jeremy."

Nothing.

"Jeremy!!" He tries to shush me, but I push him off. "Jeremey, I miss you!! I miss my friend!" I cry, though my eyes are dry. I can't cry; I just can't. I would have if I could, maybe. He stops, and looks at me.

"I don't know what happened with you at the orphanage, and I don't care!! I just want you back! I miss you! School is boring without you there with me to make me laugh and to pick me up when I fall. I'm worried about you. I want you to come back. Whatever is wrong with you, you can tell me. Please, Jermey!"

He sighs, and steps outside. He leads me to the back of the house, and gestures to a small swingset. I kick my shoes off and sit down, and he sits on the one next to me.

"Nothing happened at the orphange, Ember," He said quietly. "It was what happened before that."

I'm silent, looking at him. He starts to push himself back and forth slowly, gently, and then continues.

"You know what happened. It's just...messed me up. It's been happening since I was 10, though it got worse this year when he turned to drinking. More frequent, and more brutal."

My hands are clenched into fists. I can feel them. This is so wrong. So wrong.

He continues.

"I'm damaged goods, Ember. I'll just mess you up. I don't want to. You deserve normal friends."

I laugh, and he looks at me.

"My friends aren't normal!" I say. "None of them are. Jasmine is obsessed with penguins and tofu and jello, and is convinced that America's Next Top Model is some sort of a conspiracy theory. Wesley thinks that the government is always watching us and that we secretly live among aliens, and that Mrs. Collins, our English teacher, is one."

He doesn't seem convinced, though I was being completely serious.

"Jeremy," I say. "Listen to me. I don't care how messed up you are. I like you that way. That's why we're friends. Friends mess up together, get messed up together, and pull each other out of it. I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

And then something happens that I'd never expect. He hugs me, and I feel him crying softly. Once the surprise wears off, I hug him back. I know I can't hug him for too long, or I'll overheat. My mom is constantly telling me that, not that I do much hugging with anyone but Jasmine.

"It's okay, it's okay," I whisper. He continues to cry, and I don't go home until 2 am, 2 hours later.
---------
The next morning, Jeremy is waiting for me in front of my house. I smile at him, and we walk to school together. It's as if none of this ever happened, that he never left, that I never found out about his past. htat no one did. But it did happen, and things were changed after that. But we were closer.

School went on half-way normally over the next month or so. The hype about Jermey slowly dies down. Kids go back to talking about drugs, alchohol, the latest gossip, who broke up with who (or is it whom? I'll have to ask Mrs. Collins), what's due tomorrow, etc.

Jasmine is back to her normal talkative self, now that she feels she doesn't need to worry about Jeremy anymore. Wesley is back to talking about soccer and the next game. Me and Jeremy just listen. I feel as though we share a special bond now. He's never cried in front of me, not once. And maybe I'm being stupid, but I feel as though he really trusts me.

It makes me feel bad that I'm not being completely honest with him all the time.
-------After school---------
Me and Jeremy are out of the school and walking ome. He tries to light a ciggerette, and I spin around and try to stop him. I lose my footing, however, and slip and fall, landing on my back, hitting my head on the concrete so hard I see stars, yet I feel nothing.

Jeremy's eyes widen, and he kneels down next to me. I am up a few momenst later.

"You're bleeding, Ember," he said. "Badly." He looks at me. "How do you not feel that? You never seem to feel it. What's going on, Ember?"

I touch the back of my head, and am surprised at the amount of blood.

"It's nothing," I mumble.

"Friends tell each other everything. Isn't that what you told me that night?"

Crap. I was trapped.

"I might have," I mumble. He sighs.

"Ember, are we friends or not?"

"Of course we are!" I say.

"Then come on. I'll clean you up, then we're going to talk."
------
I find myself back in his room, which is the same as it was the last few times I had been there. Dirty, messy, and reeking of ciggarettes. I didn't like being in the same place where his father lived, but he assured me that he was out and at work now, and that he wouldn't be home until later.

"Now talk," He says, as he continues to try and stop the bleeding.

"I was born with a condition called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain. I can't feel pain," I say simply. I feel him pause, then he asks

"Nothing?"

I shake my head.

"Nothing. I could stick my hand in boiling water, and feel nothing. Be cut to the bone, and feel nothing."

"So that's why..." I think I hear him mumble. I'm not sure.

"I also can't cry, sweat, or feel hot and cold," I say. "Thats' why I hardly participate in gym."

Soon he stops with my head.

"All done," he says simply. I nod.

"I also have to check myself every morning," I say. "For broken boens. And to make sure I didn't over heat in the night. Oh, and that watch you always see me wearing that beeps?" I ask. He just nods. "That's part of this too. It tells me when it's time to ahh....take care of business, since I can't tell."

"You should have told me sooner," he mumbled. I look at him. "Why?" I ask. "It doesn't change anything."

"You're too reckless. Beating Haley up, getting in a fight like that."

"You sound like my mom," I interuppted him. He ignored me and went on.

"And then the chemistry incident...it all makes sense now," He mumbled to himself. He sighed, and then he was silent. I should have known that I wouldn't get anything more out of him. He had already spoken more these last few days than he did in months before.
-------
Jeremy is a bit more careful around me. He acts as if he's afraid he's going to break me with the slightest touch. He doesn't touch me at all, it seems like. It's getting annoying. I told him several times that its' fine, nothing has changed, but he doesn't seem to think so.

I wish I wouldn't have told him anything
-------
"Jeremy, you can stop now," I say. It's the end of March. School isn't out until June. "I'm fine."

He shrugs.

"Can't be too careful," He says.

"Actually, you can. And you are," I say. "I'm sick of this. You keep acting like I'm going to fall apart. I'm not like that. I can take care of myself. You know that."

He shrugs again, and tries to light a ciggerette. I tear it out of his hand and stomp it out on the ground. He tries again, and I take the whole pack and throw it in a trash can.

"Hey! That costs lots of money!" He protests.

"And it shortens your lifespan by years," I add. He shrugs, and we continue on in silence.

"Bye, Jeremy," I say, when we get to our seperate doors.

"Bye, Ember," He says.
--------
I'm not sure how things are going at home for Jeremy. He won't talk about it much. All I know is his father is still there, yet I don't know if he is still hurting him. I told my mom about what I saw that night, and she called the cops, yet they never did a thing. A stinking thing.

That night, I go outside to get some fresh air. It's past midnight, and I'm surprised to see Jeremy sitting on his swing in his backyard. I hop the fence and sit next to him.

"What's up?" I asked, plopping down next to him.

"Nothing much. Can't sleep. You?" he asks. This isn't the first time I've come out here and talked to him at night. We've been talking out here for a few weeks now, almost every night. Neither of us sleep very well, it seems.

"Same," I say. I laugh, and he looks at me. "I was just thinking; if my mom knew she was out here, she'd kill me."

He laughs lightly, and I can tell; it's not a real laugh. I've learned to tell the difference by now.

This year has showed me how very little I knew about him until now. This year has changed everything, and maybe for the better.

Haley is always annoying us and Jasmie and Wesley, but we've learned to ignore her better now. Jeremy has stopped being so overprotective, which is good, though him doing that showed me how much he cared for me.

"Hey Ember?" He asks. I look at him. "Yes?" I ask.

"That night I took you to the concert. In the car. You said 'You have very pretty eyes, you're a sweet guy, and I love my life.' Which one was the lie?"

I froze, wondering where that had come from.

"The last one," I said quietly. He nods, and then silence falls again, heavy as a blanket.

I glance at him, and find that he's looking at me.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I ask. He shook his head. Suddenly, he leaned closer to me, so close I could feel his breathe on my face. It smelt of ciggerettes and mint gum, a strange combination. His lips come dangerously close to mine, hover there for a moment as if he's thinking, then he pulls back.

I feel dizzy.

"I'm going to go to bed now, Ember," He says, and stands up. He looks as though he's having trouble walking. "Goodnight."

"Night," I whisper after him. I watch until he disappears inside and I see the light on in his room, then I jump the fence again and go inside and up into my room. I look out my window, but he's not in his room.

That was the last time I ever saw him.
------
The next morning, I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. At least, I think it's my alarm clock. It's louder and shriller. I realize what it is immediatly; sirens.

I stumble out of bed, and my sheet wraps around my leg, causing me to trip and fall. I quickly pick myself up and run to my window. There are 4 police cars and an ambulence outside of Jeremy's house. I let the drapes fall back into place as I stumble out of the room and fly down the stairs, not caring that I'm wearing my PJs still, shorts and a tank top.

I run outside, my hair a mess, and see my mom standing in front of the hosue along with a small crowd, and my heart sinks in my chest as I see the stretcher carrying a body. A body in a black bag.

"No..." I whisper. I hear the woman talking, and I feel like I'm at school again.

"He was so young---"

"I think his father did it."

"Poor thing. How old was he? 19?"

"17 actually, I think. I wonder how---"

"How long ago?"

"They think it happened last night. His father is in the cop car over there."

"Ember!" One voice stands out from all the others as my mom's. I see her come running over to me, and she is breathing heavily, tears staining her cheeks. I've never seen her cry before, not even when dad died. She always hid it so well.

"Ember, go back inside. You don't need to see this."

"Is it--" I start, but find I cannot finish. She nods.

"Yes, it's him. It's Jeremy."

My legs feel weak. I can't breathe. I'm not sure, but I think I want to throw up. I push past her, ignoring her calls of protest behind me, and push through the crowd and police tape, and go right up to the stretcher.

Three police officers hold me back. "You can't be back here, Miss," They say.

"He was my friend!!" I cry, though my eyes remain dry. "One of my best friends!!"

They won't let me any closer. Jeremy. Jeremy.

For once, just for once, I wish I could cry.
--------
My mom doesn't make me go to school. She tells me to stay at home. Take a day off. Relax.

As if.

Jeremy is dead. Gone. He's not coming back, yet I keep feeling as though I'll turn around and he'll be there at his window, looking back at me. Smiling. Waving.

But he's not.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I know that there's nothing I can do for him now. I keep remembering last night, how close he was. How I wanted him closer.

I feel like such an idiot.

The phone rings again, and I stand to look at the coller ID. It's Jasmine, no doubt calling from the bathroom for the 12th time that day. It's only noon, too. She's going to get in trouble.

I unplug the phone. I don't want to talk to anyone right now.
------
I stand in the shower, letting the cold water wash over my body and pull me out of my thoughts. I need to think about something, anything, else than what happened.

I focus intently, reciting the steps to taking a shower in my mind as I do them.

1. Open shampoo bottle.
2. Squeeze some onto hand
3. Lather into hair
4. Rinse
5. Repeat with conditioner
6. Take soap out.
7. Clean
8. Get out
9. Dry off hair and body
10. Get dressed
11. Go crawl in a hole and die
------------------April-------------

........

-------------------May------------
It's time for the viewing.

Last month, I hardly spoke a word. Jasmine gave up on calling me, and however hard she tries, even she can't pull me out of my depression. Yes, I suppose that's the appropriate word for it. Depression.

My best friend is slipping away. I want to talk to her, I want to tell her what's wrong, but even I don't know. She tries to help me, but I push her away. And now I'm losing her.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

I look at myself in the mirror. A skinny girl with stringy black hair, wearing black ballet flats with a black dress that ends just above her knees. She stares at the mirror with tired eyes, bags visible underneath them. She blinks. But she doesn't cry.
------
Jasmine is there, at the church. So is Wesley. They're linked arm in arm, and Jasmine is crying visibly. I want to go over to them, but instead I just get in line behind them. There's no one next to Jeremy's coffin for us to comfort. His father is set for trial in two days. I don't think there's anything to debate. He killed Jeremy. Murdered him. I know it.

As I approach the coffin, my blood runs cold, and my palms begin to sweat. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to come here. I don't want to remember his face, cold and dead. I want to remember it alive, smiling at a bad joke by Wesley, smiling at me from across the room, laughing......

I turn and run, ignoring the looks of surprise from those in line behind me. Jasmine must have seen me, for she calls after me to stop, to come back. I don't turn around. I just keep running.
------
Once upon a time, there was a girl who took a bus and stayed on all day until she was kicked off by the driver at 11 PM.
------
That girl was me.
------
I unlock the front door, and my mom attacks me before I can even move.

"Ember!" She cries. She's crying. I made her cry.

"Ember, where have you been?" She's hugging me. I don't know what to say.

"I---fell asleep on the bus on the way home. I'm sorry."

She sighs, and pulls back. "I thought something happened to you," She says, and places her hands on the sides of my face, looking at me.

"No. I'm fine," I say.

"Do you want some dinner? I made---"

"I'm not hungry," I cut her off, and run upstairs, slamming my door behind me.
-------
The funeral is in a week.

I don't know if I can take it.

I'm walking up the front steps to school, and the conversation is turned back to Jermey. I hear them whisper as I walk by.

"That's her."

"She was the one who ran out?"

"Yeah."

"She was Jeremy's friend, right?"

"She should have done something about him."

"Yeah."

"That poor kid. I hear his father hit him so hard he broke his arm."

"Really? That's awful."

"Yeah."

"Did you hear that---"

I start to run through the halls, ignoring the strange looks I get. I push past everyone, knocking several down. Some push me back, but most let me go. I hear more talk as I run.

"Poor girl."

"I can't believe that she was his friend."

"Hey, I feel bad for her."

"I don't. She should have done something about him before it was too late."

I accientally knock a teacher down, and when I hear another one calling after me, I turn a corner and run into the first room I come to; a janitor's closet.

I slam and lock the door behind me, breathing hard. I sink down to the ground, somehow wishing I could blend into the shadows here and never come out.

If only I was that lucky.
-------
It's lunchtime.

I sit with Jasmine and Wesley, but I've never felt so alone.

As I eat, I hear footsteps. I look up, and Haley and her little group and Richard are there.

Oh, no. Not now. I can't take this now.

"Hello, freaks," Haley snears. She's looking mostly at me, though.

"I hear your friend finally died. It's about time, too."

Jasmine and Wesley are silent. Why aren't they defending him?!

"I heard you two got real close before he died."

I feel Jasmine looking at me. I ignore both of them, and stand up just as my watch beeps.

"What is that?" She asks, pointing to my watch.

I say nothing.

She pulls it off my wrist, and hands it to Richard, who holds it above my head, sneering. So he's still ticked about last year, I guess.

I should have kicked him harder.

Jasmine and Wesley are silent as I reach for my watch. They say nothing. Do nothing.

Traitors.

As I start to yell, they only laugh and play keep away with my watch. I was waiting for an excuse. Now I have one.

"Shut up!!!!!!" I yell, and let out a cry of rage as I run at Richard. I tackle him to the ground, and punch him over and over again. Haley cries out, and many people try to pull me off, but I won't let go. I wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze, squeeze as hard as I can. Then I hit him again, and get up.

He jumps up, gasping for air. By now a crowd has gathered.

The security guards drag me off, still kicking and screaming. Jasmine watches silently.

I've never felt so betrayed.
---------
Richard presses charges. Attempted murder, he says. Yeah right.

I get to spend the night in jail. It's supposed to scare me into behaving. All I can think about that whole night is how disappointed mom must be. She'll hate me now, I know it.

I have no one anymore.

I wish I could stay here.
----------
It's time for the funeral.

I'm wearing the same dress I wore for the viewing.

The funeral is small. A few kids from school here and there. Jasmine is there, too. Wesley is home sick with the flu.

There are only a few chairs filled, and I sit down in the very back. Jasmine sits next to me without a word.

As the preacher begins to talk, I'm resisting the sudden urge I have to throw up. At least, I think that's what it is. Yet another magical part of my condition. I can't tell when I'm sick.

Jasmine sees I'm sick, and places a hand on top of mine.

"Do you want to leave? We don't have to stay if you don't want to," She whisperse. I shake my head.

"I'm fine," I say, looking forward again. She frowns, nods, and then looks forward.

The rest of the funeral goes by in a blur. I feel as though I'm seeing things from outside my own body. I see the girl sitting in the back row, her friend with the strange dyed hair beside her, comforting her by placing her head on her shoulder. The girl doesn't seem to notice her, however, and continues to stare forward. That girl is me.

The pastor asks if anyone wants to say a few words. Jasmine looks at me, and when I don't say anything, she stands up.

"I will," She said quietly, and makes her way to the front, her high heels clicking. She stands at the podium, and adjusts the microphone. The few people there are teary-eyes, but my eyes are dry. They always are.

"Jeremy was an amazing person," She says. I can already hear her voice breaking. This is my best friend. The girl I've known since the 2nd grade. We went through heck together, and stuck together through it. Her parent's divorce, my dad's death, we were there for each other through it all. Yet I feel so far away from her right now.

"He may not have said much, but we all knew what he meant with however few words he said."

She goes on, and now I'm thinking about my father's funeral. I hardly remember it. I was 11, and pushed all memories of that day out of my mind. I didn't want to feel that pain ever again. Yet here it was, fresh as ever.

Jasmine has to step down because she's crying too much. She sits in the front instead of the back now, leaving me alone.

"Thank you," the pastor says. "Does anyone else have anything to say?"

I am silent.

"Very well then. Let us pray."
----------------------

They lower the casket into the ground. I feel like they lowered me into the ground with it. We're alll gathered around it. I think I see Jeremy waving at me from across the field through the fog, but when I blink, he's gone.
-------
There's a reception, but I blow it off. Jasmine catches up to me when I'm on my way to my car.

"Ember!" She calls, and steps in front of me, breathing hard. I blink, but say nothing.

"Ember, I'm worried about you," She says. "You've been so distant. I'm sorry about Jeremy's death. We all are. He was all of our friends. But you need to get over this! He's gone, and I'm sorry. But I miss you. I miss my friend."

Hadn't I said those same words to him not but a few weeks ago?

"I'm right here," I whisper.

She sees me looking distant again, and sighs.

"Call me when you come back," She says simply, and turns and leaves.

I get into the car and drive home.
-----------
When I get home, mom is in the kitchen, making pancakes. It smells so good, and my stomach growls, but I ignore it.

"Ember, honey, I made pancakes----"

"Not hungry," I mumble.

"Ember, stop this!" She shouts. She never acts like this. She's always so calm and collected.

Crap. I broke mom.

"I'm fine, mom. Really. I'll eat, okay? I'll eat. I'll eat."

She watches as I pick up one, two, three pancakes and spread butter on them. I sit down at the table and take a big bite. She watches until I've finished the plate. I stand up and walk upstairs without another word.
-------
I got into another fight today. With Richard.

He got in a few good hits this time, though I managed to knock out two of his teeth.

I was arrested again.

They kept me for 2 nights.

Mom cried.

Jasmine called.

I was alone.
---------
2 fights later, with 2 different poeple, and mom had had it. Jasmine was going on with life without me. It was as if we were never friends. Weren't friends supposed to help each other through crappy times? Not abandon them. Yet I knew deep down that it was my fault. She had waited for me for 2 months. I just couldn't pull myself out of this. Not this time.

"If you don't stop this, you'll be arrested for good!" She yells. I sigh, and look away. It was the last month of school. My grades were slipping. I was 'depressed', as she said. I need 'help'. I need to 'get over myself'.

I know the fights are dumb. The people who I hurt barely did anything to me. But they did say something or another about Jeremy, and I just lost it.

I run a tongue over my chapped lips. They're scarred from when I would bite them as child, before I was diagnosed.

"I know. I'm sorry," I say.

"You always say that!!" My mom yells. "You never do a thing to stop yourself."

She calms down, and looks me in the eyes.

"Ember," She says. "He's gone. There's nothing you could do. I remember when your father---"

"Don't try to bring dad into this!" I yell suddenly. "It has nothing to do with him!!"

My mom is silent. She's crying. I made her cry.

I feel like crap, and take off to my room
----------
I stare down at my hands silently. I'm sitting on my bed, alone. I'm always alone.

Sometimes I wish I could feel pain. It would make me feel more alive. Sometimes I wonder if there's anything worth living for. I remember I felt this way when dad died, but I would push those thoughts out and Jasmine helped me through it.

But not this time. I was alone. All alone.
-------------
The next day at school, I sit alone at lunch. Jasmine is talking to other girls now, not just Wesley. It seems like she's moved on. Moved on without me.

I feel like I'm drowning.

She sees me, and excuses herself.

"How are you?" She asks, sitting down next to me.

"Fine," I lie. "Perfectly fine."

"That's good," She say. I smile and nod.

She leaves.

I'm alone again.
----------------------------------
It's the last day of school today.

All day, the buzz is going around about a party that night. Everyone's invited. Everyone who's anyone is going. Jasmine is, with Wesley. So are all the girls she's friends with now.

I'm not.

Everyone passes around yearbooks in class when the teachers aren't paying attention. No one asks me to sign theirs but Jasmine and Wesley. I smile and do.

On Wesley's I write:

You rock!! Don't ever change. Take care of Jasmine.
<3, Ember

On Jasmine's I write:

Help me. I need you. I feel so alone. I'm sorry. Please.

Then I scribble it out until it's a big black smudge, and write 'Have a great summer. Love you. Ember.'

They sign mine. Jasmine writes

'Call anytime. I'm worried about you. I miss you.'

Wesley writes

'You're a cool kid. Please pull through this, for Jasmine.'

I feel more like crap than I did a few weeks ago when I made my mom cry.
--------
Haley says something about Jeremy.

I hurt her.

I am setenced to endure summer school.
--------
It's the end of the day. The school is empty. I'm one of the last ones out. I'm in no rush, anyways.

Richard stops me.

"Hey, beautiful," He says, blocking my path.

"Move it or lose it, Richard. I'll kick you harder this time," I say, and try to push past him. He blocks my path, shoving me against the wall.

"You need to lay off my girlfriend," He says. I struggle to kick him, but he has me pinned hard against the wall.

"Tell her to lay off of Jeremy," I spat. He laughs.

"You're fiesty. I like that."

Then he kisses me.

I don't want my first kiss to be with him! I try to push him off, but he won't. He's being too rough. He has me pinned so hard to the wall my shoulders ache. I don't kiss him back, of course. I bite his lip so hard that I taste blood, then he pulls back. I kick him hard where no man wants to be kicked, again, and then make a run for it.

He yells some not nice things after me, but I ignore him.

I think I see Jeremy on the way out, but when I blink, he's gone. Again.
--------
I get in 2 more fights at summer school, and am arrested once more. They tell me this time that if it happens again, I'll be tried for it as an adult.

That's when mom decides it's time to move.

We're sitting at dinner, and she turns to me.

"We're moving."

I almost choke on my tuna salad.

"What??" I finally manage to ask.

"We're moving. I can't take this anymore. You need a fresh start."

I shake my head, setting my fork down. "No, I don't. I want to saty here."

"It'll be better for you somewhere else," she says. "You can---"

"I don't want to go somewhere else!" I shout, standing up. "What about my friends?? Jasmine and Wesley??"

"What friends?" My mom demands, standing up as well. "You don't talk to either of them anymore. Ever since Jeremy died---"

I storm off to my room before she can finish.
----------
The next day is Saturday. It's sometime in May. Jasmine hasn't called me once. I don't have the nerve to call her myself, no matter how much I long to hear her voice, to apologize, to promise things will go back to the way they were. I want them to, more than she could ever know. But I've been down so long, I don't think that I can get back up.

I go outside, and look around. The air is chilly and bites at my skin. I shiver, rubbing my arms to keep warm. I glance at the house next door, Jeremy's house. Before I know what I'm doing, I'm walking towards it. There's a for sale sign in the front yard. His dad will be in jail for life, they said on the news. I wish they would have given him the death sentence, but then I feel bad about it. I don't think Jeremy would have wanted that. But I did.

I walk to the yard and tear the for sale sign out of the grass. Then I walk inside. The house is empty; I'm not sure where the furniture is, or who took it. The smell of smoke still lingers, and as I walk through the house I see what was once there. The small television, the fridge, and then I go upstairs. I pause for a moment with my hand on the doorhandle to his room, hesitating. I close my eyes, take a deep breathe, and enter.

What hits me isn't what I expected. A wave of emotions and memories. Anger that they touched his stuff, and took it all away. Heartbreak because I'll never see him looking back at me through this window ever again. I see myself sitting on the bed that's no longer there, him tending to the wound on my head. I see us laughing about Haley's broken nose. I walk to the window slowly, my shoes clacking on the wooden floor.

I look out the window and see my room. I quickly turn away, and walk out and downstairs. I look into the backyard, and see us on the swingset, talking and laughing. Then I see him hugging me, crying. I turn away sharply, sucking in a quick breathe.

I go back upstairs and into his room. It's almost as if he's there. I feel like I can sense him. And however stupid it may have been, it gave me some sense of comfort, of more normal times. I shut the door behind me, and curl up in a small ball where his bed once was. I pull my knees up to my chest, close my eyes, and let the wind whistling in through the open window sing me a lullaby.
------
Shouting voices pull me out of my slumber. I'm not sure who they are, but I think they're calling my name. I listen closer, though my eyes are still closed. Yes, they're shouting my name. It sounds like there's lots of them, too.

I curl up tighter, not moving. I never want to move again. Maybe if I stay here long enough, the shadows will swallow me up. I'll never have to see the light of day again. And mom can't make me move that way.

Sleep steals me away again.
-------
I wake to pounding shoes downstairs. I don't understand what's going on. But I don't want to move. I don't have the will to move.

"EMBER!!!" They're yelling. I hear crying that sounds strangely like my mom. I feel like I'm watching myself. I see the broken girl lying curled up on the cold hardwood floor, shivering in her sleep. It takes me a moment to realize that it's me.

"Ember!!" Another voice calls. Then the door opens, and two men with flashlights come running in.

"We found her!!" One calls. He picks her up and carries her downstairs. I follow.

A sobbing mother follows as they carry her home, and lay her on the couch downstairs. She's unmoving, and shivering. The mother covers her with blankets, kisses her forehead over and over again, and thanks the men, who then leave.

Then the mother sits down on a chair and watches the daughter for what feels like, and may have been, hours until she too falls asleep.

I fall back into the darkness.
---------
When I wake up, my stomach growls. I wonder how long I've been asleep. I haven't gotten a decent amount of sleep for weeks, so maybe I was out for a while.

As soon as she hears me stir, my mom comes running into the room.

She looks so much different.

Instead of the cool, calm, collected, confident, young businesswoman of the century, I see an old woman, her face wrinkled with lines of worry, her cheeks tear-stained, aged by sorrow and stress.

It's enough to make me hate myself.

"Ember, thank God," She breathes, and hugs me so tightly I feel as though I can barely breathe.

She pulls back, and looks at me. I blink.

"Do you know how long you've been asleep?" She asks. I shake my head.

"4 days," She whispers, and her voice breaks with tears. I can barely believe my ears. 4 days? No wonder I'm so hungry. I wonder how I even managed to sleep that long. I open my mouth to say something, but my throat is so dry it hurts.

"Water, right," She says, reading my mind. I always hated it when she did that, but right now I love it. She hands me a glass of water, and I gulp it down greedily.

She waits for a few moments for me to say something. I don't know what she wants me to say.

"Why did you do that? You had me so worried...." She trails off, her voice choked by tears again. I want to disappear.

"I don't know," I whisper. She just nods.

"We're moving next week. We have to pack quickly. I can't stay here anymore, and neither can you," She says, standing. "Now come eat."

Suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore.
---------
After I force down three pancakes, mom lets me go. She wants me to take it easy, relax. She doesn't understand.

I pick up the phone and dial Jasmine's number.

"Hello?" My friend's familiar voice answered. "Ember?"

Crap. I had forgotten about collar ID. My throat feels dry again. I can't speak. But I don't want to move without saying goodbye and telling her how sorry I am.

"Hey, Jasmine," I finally say. My voice is weak and hoarse. I hear her sigh in relief, and I feel another tug at my heart.

"Ember," She whisperes, her voice cracking with tears. For once, it seems as though my over talkative friend is at a loss for words. So am I.

We sit in silence for several minutes, enjoying each other's company through the phpone, listening to the steady sound of the other's breathing. finally, she says something.

"Are you...OK?"

I nod, then remember that she can't see me. "Yes," I whisper. "I'm OK."

I know she can tell I'm lying. We've known each other too long and too well to be able to lie to each other and get away with it. She doesn't argue this time, however, only too glad to hear my voice again, I suppose. How worried had I had her, anyways? These last few months are such a blur to me. It was as if I was on autopilot, and I was just now coming back.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. It's so quiet, I wonder if she can even hear me. But she does

"It's okay. But you're...you're back now, right? You had me so scared, Ember," She whispers. I feel like crap again.

"I'm moving," I say suddenly, so suddenly that it surprises even me.

".....what?" She asks, after a few moments of silence.

"I'm moving," I repeat. "My mom says that I 'need a new start'," I say, making it obvious that I don't agree.

"When?" She asks quietly.

"A week," I mumble.

"But...why?" She chokes out.

"It may have something to do with passing out in Jeremy's house and never coming home, and then sleeping for 4 days straight," I mumble.

Silence.

Then she sighs.

"Ember..." She said slowly. "You have to let him go."

I know she's right. But I also know that I can't.

"I know. I'm trying," I say. I really am, but I know what the result will be. So does she.

"I'll come over and stay this week. I'll help you pack, and we can hang out, okay?" she asks. I can tell she's trying not to cry.

"Yes. Thank you," I whisper. At least I can make up with her.

"See you then," She says, and then I hear a click.

I put down the phone and crawl under the covers.
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The next day, around noon, I hear the doorbell ring. I stumble out of my room, a thin layer of sweat covering my forehead. I've been packing since early this morning.

I run down the stairs and open the door.

She's there, and I feel my throat clog up with unshed tears. She's smling at me, and suddenly I remember her standing in front of my door, only when we were younger. I shake off the thougtha nd look at her. She has a large duffel bag next to her, and waves half-heartedly at me. I attack her in a hug before she can say anything, and don't let go.
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"Do you remember this one?" Jasmine asks, pulling out another photograph. It shows a younger version of me sitting on her shoulders in the pool, both of our faces twisted in laughter. I chuckle.

"Yes. I remember falling off, too." She laughs as well.

We're packing up my room, starting wtih my closet. We found a box full of photo albums and special things that I had forgotten about, and are going through it, distracted.

Memories are amazing. They're so small, and some are so insignificant, yet they can mean the world to someone. Someone like me.

Us eating ice cream, playing in the pool, dressed up for halloween (we have us from 2nd grade up until this year. These were our costumes in order: Second grade, the year we met: Me as a princess, her as a bumblebee. Third grade: Me as a clown, her as a pop star. Fourth grade: Me as a pirate, her as a vampire. Fifth grade: We were both witches. Sixth grade: Me as ketchup, her as mustard. Yes, that was the dumbest yet, but the looks we got were priceless. Seventh grade: Me as a vampire, her as a mummy (toliet paper). Eighth grade: We were both zombies. Ninth grade: Me as a cat, her as a dog. Tenth grade: We both got some pretty scary masks, and dark clothes, and scared little kids. Eleventh grade: We went as ninjas. We tried to drag Jeremy and Wesley with, but they refused. Oh well.)

There are also pictures of us doing everyday thigns, such as talking, laughing, pillow fights, and silly poses. I come across a few pictures of us on the night of prom, last year. We were Sophmores, but they let anyone go.

We went, though we went alone. Jeremy refused, and Wesley had been sick. We're both smiling, and I must say, we looked amazing. Me in a black dress that fit all my curves and black flats, my hair piled on top of my head. Her in a sparkly silver dress, that makes her look amazing, and silver heels, her hair hanging loose around her face but with a sparkly silver beret in it. Haley had spiked the punch, and half the kids got drunk. We had expected something like that, however, and had brought water bottles.

We spend the night making scrapbooks, one for each of us, instead of packing. They show us from 2nd grade until this year. I still have that scrapbook today.
~~~~~~~
That night, we lay awake staring at the ceiling. We're both laying in my bed, which is big enough to hold both of us, and probably another person if it could.

"Will things stay the same?" She asks suddenly. I turn to face her, and find she's close to tears. I frown.

"Probably not," I admit. She bites her lip, and I smile softly.

"But I promise to call you whenever I can, and that I will never, ever forget you," I say. I see tears slipping down her cheeks.

It feels like we're saying goodbye. I don't like it. In face, I hate it. If I could cry, I would.

"Let's make the most out of this week," She says quietly. I smile and nod.

Then we let our dreams carry us away.
~~~~
"Wake uppppppp," Jasmine yells in my ear. I jump up and look oat her, blinking sleepily. She's holding a roll of duct tape and a folded up uhaul box.

"Let's get to work," She says.
~~~~
4 hours and 14 boxes later, we take a break.

"I'm so tired," I yawn, laying back and leaning my head against the chair. We're sitting outside. It's a nice day, and the breeze blows my hair around my tired face. Jasmine yawns as well, and closes her eyes. I poke her, and she opens one eye and sticks her tongue out at me. I laugh.

I can't believe it. I'm really laughing. Jasmine is here, and everything is okay now. I tried to tell my mom that, but she still thinks we need to move. I can't stand her right now, and I don't think I'll be able to ever again.

I push all those thoughts out of my mind, and try to focus on just the now. I stare out over the backyard and into the woods that surround my house and.....Jeremy's.

No. I won't think about him, not now, not today.

Jasmine glances at me and sees that I'm thinking. I quickly snap out of it and smile at her.
---------

The day passes by quickly. We spend it packing and talking, laughing, reliving memories once again.

I just wish it didn't have to end so soon.
------
It's dinner time.

My mom ordered pizza, and we're all sitting at the table. My mom is watching me closely; I can feel it. I'm smiling and laughing with Jasmine, trying to ignore her stares. Maybe if she sees that I'm happy, she won't make us move.

As if.
-------
We stay up until 4 am talking. By the time we actually fall asleep, it's well past 5.

We don't wake up until noon, when we eat cold leftover pizza and watch Tom and Jerry re-runs, laughing like idiots.

We stay in our PJs all day and don't get any work done at all.

It was a good day.
~~~~~
Today is Friday. We're scheduled to move on Sunday. Jasmine has been here for almost a week now.

My room is completely empty, except for my mattress, a few flat boxes, a few piles of micelanious stuff that I still need to pack, and our two scrapbooks.

Me and Jasmine have grown closer over the past week than we have in a while. I didn't realize how much I'd missed her, how much I would miss her, until now.

((More later))